Forlorn Nakedness
by Kishu Aonabi Shindara
Summary: How does it feel when Alphonse realizes that his brother isn't 'here' any longer ?


**This is not an Elricest !**

**The scene takes place after Edward's death, in episode 51.**

**Forlorn Nakedness **

I don't like to sleep all naked.

The cold you feel when you're naked is awful. Soft pyjamas make me remember mom's strokes on my skin.

I don't like to feel cold.

In this armor, I cant' even burst into tears. So cold... like snow. All is white, I'm so lost without you.

I don't like to feel lonely.

I want you to stay by my side, forever, and after. It's selfish, I know. That's just because...

I don't like to be frightened.

It causes me nightmares. I hate them. I just wanna cry in your arms.

I don't like to dream.

Even if everybody says it's a method to help you to dodge Life's matters, I think it's wrong. Dreams make you believe to another reality. A reality that doesn't exist at all. You'd die by sadness once you know it's not real.

I don't like when I don't know.

What's real, what's a dream... how frustating it is. When begins the dream, when is it over ? I just wanna kill to know.

I don't like to see someone killing.

Murderer...

I don't like to see people dying.

Big brother... ?

I don't like to watch your body dying, more and more, little by little.

It makes me sick.

I don't like to feel useless.

Perhaps it's me who should die, now.

I don't want you to die !

I'm gonna come to your rescue, big brother. Please, don't die in my arms... please...

I won't feel the softness of your strokes anymore. I'll be lonely. I'll be affraid. I'll have nightmares. I'll dream. I'll mix up what is reality or fiction. I'll be ignorant. I'll kill. I'll die.

I'll feel the cold. I'll feel all naked...

I don't like to be surrounded by darkness.

I'm so cold, right now. I need someone I love to warm me up.

Mom...

Edward...

I can't see you.

I don't like to sleep alone.

What is this blinding light ?

What is this warmth ?

What is this feeling ?

I can't feel any longer... I'm dead in this suit of armor. Why can I feel this softness ?

Is it Paradise ?

Is it my rebirth ?

How will be the world when I'll open my eyes ?

Big brother.

Why are we in this same white bed, in this white room, all naked ?

Smile. Just smile to me, big brother.

"_Hi, Al. I can see it worked. Your body's back."_

True. All is true. True like pureness.

Tears can't stop falling on my cheeks.

"_Am... Am I dead, Edward ?"_

"_No."_

"_Where are we ?"_

"_... In Paradise."_

Golden eyes. Golden fishes. Golden sun. They look transient to me as well.

"_Al... describe me the scenery you saw before coming here ?"_

I can't. It's undescriptable.

"_It was like a second without you."_

The sheet is so soft...

"_Forgive me Al. I'm here, right now."_

Your body is so warm when you hug me...

"_Ed..."_

We're together.

"_Why didn't you say you'll stay with me forever ?"_

I feel relax.

"_Because... We're just meeting again in your dream."_

I want to dream if you're here with me.

"_... Is it real ?"_

I know...

"_Hold me tightly, little brother."_

Don't hurt me...

"_Why ?"_

Don't let me die...

"_Don't forget me, Al."_

The incompetent me...

"_I won't."_

"_Close you eyes."_

I don't like that. Because I can't see you. Because I don't know.

"_Where are you going ?"_

"_To Hell."_

Save me.

"C_lose your eyes."_

"_Big brother..."_

"_Don't... open... your eyes, Al !"_

"_Big brother !"_

Too late. I'm not blind any longer.

And suddenly all is vanished. I feel the cold overtaking me.

The only matter when you close your eyes is the fact that you don't know that if you'll open them in the same world.

How can we know ?

Not you... not me...

Exactly. This world wasn't the one I wished for.

The bed is white. The room is white. The light's blinding me. Tears fall on my cheeks.

But you're not here.

Heaven's lost.

The door in front of me open.

"_Al ! Finally you're awake ! How you're doing ?"_

"_Win... ry ?"_

"_Ah. Then you recognize me ! I'm so... I'm so glad you're alive."_

Her warmth... it's not the same.

"_Winry... why am I all naked ?"_

_"A__h ! It's... it's just because... you... you were like that, when this boy brought you back ho... home, so... but I swear I saw nothing !"_

"_The... boy ?"_

"_The blond-haired boy, do you know who he is ?"_

My brother...

"_Except big brother, I don't know any blond-haired boys."_

This sensation of emptiness...

"_Ah. __Too bad. After he went away with his little brother. Very nice."_

Alone. Alone together.

"_What's happened, Winry ? And where am I ?"_

"_In Resembool, at Grandma's, you silly. And don't ask me, I know nothing. I hoped you'd tell me ! How did you get your body back ?"_

Somebody already told me that... "It worked, your body's back."

"_What worked ?"_

_" What did you said ?"_

"_Where's mom ? What happened after her transmutation ? Ed was there five minutes ago, he said 'it worked'. Does that mean she's alive ?"_

"_Wh... what are you talking about ? It's been one week you're oversleeping ! Ed is nowhere to be found! The army is trying to bring him since then !"_

... Really ?

"Army_Militaries ? Why does the army try to find him ? They don't know him..."_

"_... Al, are you alright ?"_

"_Winry... why does... my memory... ? I feel like I've forgotten something !"_

More than 'forgot'. It's an oblivion.

Then... big brother ?

"_He was here. All naked, with me. He talked to me. He huged me. He cried with me. He told me to forget him not. I..."_

That's why I just should die.

"_I felt his warmth against my chest. I felt his heart beating. Ed's being. But he disappeared."_

Goodbye, lost Heaven !

Was it a farewell ?

Now all I can do is crying under the sheets and remember.

And I feel cold, and I feel alone, and I feel lonely, and I feel depressed, and I feel day-dreaming, and I feel affraid, and I feel forlorn, and I feel more than break down...

The totally nakedness.

**OWARI** (began and finished on the 6th of August 2006)


End file.
